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Source link: http://archive.mises.org/9893/lame-austrian-economist-jokes/

Lame Austrian Economist Jokes

May 4, 2009 by

MR goes trolling for Austrian Econ jokes, but most of what turns up is lame. However, I did laugh at this one:

Ludwig von Mises found consumer indifference “impossible to observe in practice.” It just bugged them too much that he was watching.

{ 64 comments }

Bruce Koerber May 4, 2009 at 8:24 am

Q: Why don’t Austrian economists spend time reading jokes about Austrian economics?

A: Time preference!

Stephen M May 4, 2009 at 8:56 am

There is nothing wrong with a little self-deprecating humor.

Q: How many Austrian economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Get off my property!!!

Michael Wiebe May 4, 2009 at 9:10 am

Q: How many Austrian economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: We don’t make quantitative predictions.

Arend May 4, 2009 at 9:38 am

It surprises me that a substantial (QUANTITATIVE!) part of the jokes actually denotes some knowledge about Austrian economics, which is good.

For most of the jokes one has to be a non-Austrian though to be able to laugh, not b/c Austrians are super sensitive, bu b/c one has to make a grave misrepresentation of Austrian theory to make it absurd; an Austrian’s first reaction would/could be: ” that’s not quite right… oh wait it’s a joke….”.

Best jokes BY Austrians are by Rothbard and Block imho, of which prove on the first is among other examples, this: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4257380658817319490

Christoph Kohring May 4, 2009 at 9:48 am

Q: How many Austrian economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. The market will provide!

Einar Friðgeirsson May 4, 2009 at 9:53 am

This joke isn’t mine, and some people might find it a bit(ok, maybe a lot) offensive so be forewarned, but yesterday I told a friend of mine that I had recently gotten into Austrian school of economics in a big way.

Without missing a beat he replied “Is that the school where you lock your economy in the basement and rape it for 20 years?”

Ansury May 4, 2009 at 10:09 am

Ahh, more evidence for: “First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win”

This is not an intelligent nor a civil comment, but:

What do you call 100 dead Austrian economists at the bottom of the ocean?

a) Who cares? Just keep ignoring them!

b) The question doesn’t make sense – there isn’t enough of them.

Inquisitor May 4, 2009 at 10:10 am

“Without missing a beat he replied “Is that the school where you lock your economy in the basement and rape it for 20 years?” ”

Oh, did he confuse it for Keynesianism? What a silly mistake…

Ansury May 4, 2009 at 10:31 am

“Ludwig von Mises found consumer indifference “impossible to observe in practice.” It just bugged them too much that he was watching.”

A little funny but I think it’s too far off base to be really worthwhile–he wouldn’t have been observing them in the first place. :p

Karlos May 4, 2009 at 10:32 am

I kinda like this one: “Doesn’t forcing jokes about Austrian economics just eventually lead to a shortage of them?”

David Spellman May 4, 2009 at 10:35 am

Why do they bury Austrian economics 12 feet down?

To try to keep their predictions from coming back to haunt us.

Einar Friðgeirsson May 4, 2009 at 10:37 am

Oh, did he confuse it for Keynesianism? What a silly mistake…

LOL! That was my response more or less. In fact it’s a pretty good description of what Japan has been doing to it’s economy for the last decade or so.

David Spellman May 4, 2009 at 10:45 am

What did the Austrian economist say when he saw the Federal Reserve chairman near the statue of the bull on Wall Street?

Oxymoron.

Why did the Austrian economist cross the road?

Because he owned it and no one could stop him.

How many Austrian economists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the price is negotiable.

What do you get when you cross an Austrian economist with capital?

Profits.

David Spellman May 4, 2009 at 11:00 am

An Austrian economist died and discovered there really is life after death. His spirit zoomed through a dark tunnel and came to a large white gate with a man standing guard outside.

The man spoke to the economist, “I see you just died, and I bet you would like to get in, wouldn’t you?”

“Uh, I guess so.” replied the somewhat confused economist.

“First I need to know what kind of life you lived. What was your profession?”

“I was an Austrian economist!” the economist answered proudly.

“Really?” exclaimed the man, “We have no use for people like you here. Why don’t you go to hell?”

With that, the man went inside and slammed the gate shut on the bewildered dead economist.

The economist then saw a path and followed it for quite a while. Presently he came to another large white gate with a man standing guard.

“Hello,” said the economist tentatively, “I hope you like Austrian economists here because they sure didn’t like me at the first gate I came to.”

The man smiled and said, “Oh, yeah, the Devil believes in Keynesian economics. He sends all the Austrians to Heaven. Come on in.”

Bruce Koerber May 4, 2009 at 11:01 am

Q: What is the difference between the Keynesian long-run and Austrian economics?
A: ABCT (Austrian Business Cycle Theory) forecasts.

Gabe May 4, 2009 at 11:26 am

Three economist are observing daily video tape of grand central station trying to see what they can learn about human activity. After watching a years worth of tapes they are each to give one piece of advise to the central board of economic growth.

The first economist says “The more trains that leave the station, the more people are going to their jobs, vacations, business trips, maybe we should increase the number of trains and this will spur much more economic activity”.

The 2nd economist says “I’ve been watching the transactions and feeding loads of data from these videos into various regression models. Our new AI computers can gather thousands of variables from these simple videos and we are making huge progress in actually analyzing this data. For example, the people with high fashion quotients and high biometric health scores have thicker wallets. We also know for a fact that they the wallet thickness is highly correlated with increased spending. I advise that we send out 2% more currency every year, this will gradually increase wallet thickness and thus health and economic activity will increase slowly over time.

The Austrian economist says, I have observed human behaviour for many years. I know that individuals are motivated by their own internal goals. Observers may classify these goals and the methods of accomplishing them as “rational” or “irrational”, it hardly matters how they are classified. Although there is a huge variety of human goals, many human goals are related to making sure loved ones are fed, housed, educated etc. In a modern economy acquiring currency is critical to meeting these goals. The advice of economist #1 and #2 are idiotic. They are not idiotic because regressions are bad, they are idiotic because they are horribly misinterpreting the causes of human action. Slowly destroying the value of a currency at the rate of 2% a year does no create wealth. It is merely a way to steal value of some humans savings and give it to another(often politically powerful group like Goldman Sachs). This is no more helpful to the economy than it is for the supply of pick pocketers to expand at a rate of 2% per year. If the pick pocketers as a group spend there money with higher velocity than the working men, this is still not a net benefit to mankind. If the pick pocketing group expands by 2% per year then eventually civilization will be destroyed. If we entrust some benevolent currency czar to decide the rate at which pick pocketing expands then we will probably see civilization destroyed even sooner because only a really bad person or a really dumb person would accept such a job. If a dumb person accepts the job then soon they will be made into a puppet from the people on this planet who wish to do the most harm in the least amount of time.

After the three economist give their advice the czar of the central board of economic growth, he recommends a Nobel prize be given to economist #2 and appoints him to an important advisors board to the monetary czar. Economist #1 is made the secretary of transportation. Economist # 3 is the subject of a New York Times in a article titled “The professor who didn’t believe in math” . Fox news does a expose on Economist #3 in a piece titled “Is anti-semitism on the rise?”. The Department of Homeland Security Fusion Intelligence Center releases a report saying that those equating “government currency creation with common counterfeiting are subject to violent acts of terrorism”. Economist # 3 is scheduled for a huge debate with other economist on C-Span but before it happens he is found in his apartment hanging from a rope with three shots to the head in a apparent suicide.

Matt R. May 4, 2009 at 11:31 am

What do you call an Austrian surrounded by a dozen Keynesians?

A fair fight.

Jake Le Master May 4, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Paul Krugman walked out of a bar…

Bruce Koerber May 4, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Q: What is the difference between an Austrian economist and a positivist?
A: Austrians positively recognize that humans act subjectively!

Briggs May 4, 2009 at 1:14 pm

It seems to me that Austrians don’t have the comparative advantage in making jokes.

Menckenite May 4, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Q: What’s the golden rule standard?
A: Trade with others the way you would want to be traded with.

C.J. Meidlinger May 4, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Q: Why did the Austrian economist cross the road?
A: To satisfy a human want.

Menckenite May 4, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Q: Why are Autrians not popular with the media?
A: They’re not married to models.

Peter G. Klein May 4, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Q: Why did Mises replace his old wool fedora with a new straw hat?

A: To remove felt uneasiness.

J Cortez May 4, 2009 at 2:04 pm

A Keynesian, a game theorist and an Austrian walk into a bar. . .

EB May 4, 2009 at 2:05 pm

I seem to remember JK Galbraith saying that the reason Austria’s economy rebounded quickly after WWII because they exported all their economists to the US.

Wrong and not particularly funny, but the closest thing to an Austrian joke that I ever saw.

Inquisitor May 4, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Maybe Galbraith should’ve been exported instead? I don’t remember Austria doing badly either under Boehm-Bawerk or Mises… who knows how fucked up the US would be (sorry for the language) if Galbraith had been in charge of economic affairs, on the other hand.

“It seems to me that Austrians don’t have the comparative advantage in making jokes.”

They do over other economists…

C.J. Meidlinger May 4, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Q: How do you tell the difference between an Austrian and a Keynesian?
A: The Austrian invests in capital, the Keynesian “invests” in Capitol.

waywardwayfarer May 4, 2009 at 2:32 pm

An Austrian economist named Mises
Once penned an extraordinary treatise
He said, “The key’s human action!”
That’s why Marx finds no traction
So let every man do as he pleases.

Aaron Killeen May 4, 2009 at 2:57 pm

A Keynesian “economist” asks an Austrian economist: “what are the advantages of privatization”

The Austrian economist says: “Comparative and Absolute”

Keynesian economist: “that can’t be right! I don’t understand it!”

Russ May 4, 2009 at 3:36 pm

“What do you call 100 dead Austrian economists at the bottom of the ocean?”

Q: What do you call 100 live Keynesian economists at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start!

A physicist, a chemist, and a Keynesian economist are stranded on a desert island. They have a can of beans to eat, but no can opener.

The physicist says, “First, assume that we have a high place from which to drop the can onto that rock…”

The chemist says, “Yes, yes, but we don’t have a high place. First, assume that we have wood with which to build a fire. Then we can heat the can, the beans will expand, and…”

The economist says, “Yes, yes, but we don’t have wood for a fire.”

The physicist and chemist then ask the economist, “Well, then, what is your solution?”

The Keynesian says, “Well, first, assume that we have a can opener…”

RWW May 4, 2009 at 3:42 pm

At a glance, it seems that most of the comments at MR are insulting and/or dogmatic. Ironically, one of them says that an Austrian’s favorite movie is Dogma.

Calling Austrian econ “dogma” is like classifying Peano’s axioms as religious beliefs.

Jason Gordon May 4, 2009 at 3:46 pm

specâ‹…uâ‹…laâ‹…tion
–noun
â‹… the proposal that price setting is cheaper than price discovery.

Keynesian speculation is a Giffen good.

Inquisitor May 4, 2009 at 3:47 pm

Maybe because MR is itself a joke these days.

fundamentalist May 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm

My Austrian karma ran over your Keynesian dogma.

Bruce Koerber May 4, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Economic Numbskulls
Monday, May 4, 2009

Why Is Empirical Economics A Joke?

Q: What did the empirical economist get when he added up Marx, Smith, Mill, Marshall, Fisher, Keynes and then threw in a pinch of Galbraith, Samuelson, Greenspan and then a little twist of Bernanke?

A: The derivative of the square root of a bunch of charlatans!

Ansury May 4, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Wow, our jokes here are about 1,000 times better than theirs… overall these are actually pretty good. Would be funny to see in a book appendix (reminds me of the one in Empire of Debt).

abhi May 4, 2009 at 7:27 pm

What do you call an austrian houseparty? Dance, dance ron paul revolution!

Martin OB May 4, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Q: How many Austrian economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: If you are a government official, there’s no way you can find out; you can only make a blind guess.

Gabe May 4, 2009 at 8:26 pm

How does a Keynsian know when the Fed has done a good job?

Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan get a trillion dollars and the assets of their competitors.

Greg Ransom May 4, 2009 at 9:58 pm

Here’s the joke I posted:

Austrian economist: So tell me, what is capital?

Mainstream economist: K

Austrian economist: If you’re modeling growth across time, what represents production processes in your model?

Mainstream economist: K

Austrian economist: If your building a model of the business cycle, what stands in for the time structure of production?

Mainstream economist: K

Austrian economist: Last night I banged the bejesus out of your wife.

Mainstream economist: K

Austrian economist: I guessed as much.

Gil May 4, 2009 at 11:40 pm

In the spirit of Russ’ style jokes:

Q. What do you call 100 Keynesians up to their head in the sand?

A. Not enough sand.

Q. How do prevent a Keynesian from drowning ?

A. Take your foot off his head.

Q. What do call a shame?

A. A bus with Keynesians going over the cliff.

Q. What do call a crying shame?

A. There were empty seats.

Of course, these are generic jokes (usually reserved for lawyers). But one actual economic joke that gives me a chuckle:

Three economists go on a hunting trip. They see a deer. One shoots and misses five metres to the left. The second shoots and misses five metres to the right. The third jumps up and down excited saying “We got him! We got him!”

josh May 5, 2009 at 2:01 am

Sorry to say it, everyone, but I think the majority of these jokes are marginal, at best.

David Ch May 5, 2009 at 2:12 am

What follows is not an Austrian econ joke, but only an Austrian is equipped to understand it:

Neoclassical economics professor was walking with a student in the quad at LSE:

Student: ‘Hey, look! theres a five pound note lying on the ground’

Professor ( Not even looking) : ‘Thats not a five pound note. Can’t be. ‘

Student: ‘How do you know?’

Professor: ‘If it was, someone would have picked it up already’.

Karmaisking May 5, 2009 at 3:18 am

I vote for this one as the all-time best Austrian joke:

“Q: How many Austrian economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: We don’t make quantitative predictions.”

That was soooo funny I couldn’t stop laughing.

newson May 5, 2009 at 4:30 am

to david ch:
the sad thing is that that encapsulates the efficient market hypothesis.

Arend May 5, 2009 at 4:52 am

lol @ Greg Ransom.

One I ‘stole’ from prof. Murray N.;

Q: What’s the single good thing about Marx?

A: Well, at least he wasn’t a Keynesian (phew!).

David Ch May 5, 2009 at 5:32 am

To Newson…… But of course! the EMH requires that all markets are always in equilibrium.

Tengentially, what I find most entertaining about the EMH is its inherent Zeno-like paradox: Strictly speaking, for the EMH to be true, it requires all market participants to behave as if it were not true. And when economic agents behave as if it is true, it isn’t…………..

2nd Amendment May 5, 2009 at 7:46 am

Q: How many Austrian economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. The government outlawed them ! We are now forced to use toxic and over-expensive CFL’s.

The real question is how many light bulbs can an Austrian economist hoard in his basement before they become outlawed ?

C.J. Meidlinger May 5, 2009 at 8:48 am

In a rejection of empirical methods, Turgot refuses to walk into a bar and instead imagines that Robinson Crusoe walks into a bar. The bartender (Friday) asks, “What do you want?”
Crusoe replies, “Give me something scarce.”

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