Oh how one could wish this came from The Onion:
Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.
Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.
“It suits her,” Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. “She’s decisive and she knows what she wants.”
Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word “metal.”
Tomaro said the official handling the case also called the name “ugly.”
One could make jokes about the name “Metallica” (I would have chosen “Iron Maiden” instead), but it’s both terribly sad and tyrannical that the state now claims to have a better title to baby-naming rights. Not only that, but the parents cannot travel outside the country with their baby until the government gives them a passport. But let’s not dispair; it’s all for their own good.
UPDATE
I am told by a friend that the government of Buenos Aires has an approved list of names. Parents who pick names that are not on the official list might not get a birth certificate (not that this would be a bad thing…). A Google search seems to confirm this (try the cache if it’s too slow):
http://www.registrocivil.gov.ar/areas/registrocivil/nombres/?menu_id=28
Here are some of the regulations (in Spanish). The first prohibition is of particular interest:
1) Names that are extravagant, ridiculous, contrary to our customs, or that express political or ideological tendencies, or that incite errors respecting the gender of the person being named.
Looks like “Metallica” won’t make it in Buenos Aires either. Another catastrophe has been prevented.
{ 21 comments }
While on one level I sympathize with Michael and Karolina Tomaro (although not regarding their choice of names), assuming they represent the typical Swedish citizen, they have created and greatly support their strongly interventionist government. What the Swedish government is attempting is characteristic of the control all governments attempt to exert. The Tomaro’s and other Swedes are reaping what they have sowed.
The name Metallica being trademarked by the famous band, that same band should receive 100% of her lifetime earnings should she keep the name as an adult.
Seriously though. The parents are twits for wanting to give her such a ridiculous name. The government is being twittish for interfering. The kid should have 100% right to change her name if she finds it overly problematic.
Well of course the name is awful and in some ways this feeds the popular support for government. But this interference is terrible as well.
I wonder if the Swedish government also “retires” names… like sports teams retire famous players’ numbers. Think of the implications of the implications behind this latest phenomenon.
I’m still a fan of Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa
Metallica’s “Disposable Heroes” is a classic anti-war metal song. Come to think of it there are a lot of anti-war metal songs.
Y’know, forget the parents for a second. The baby has rights, too. Now, I don’t know what a child would decide, and it’s silly to speculate. But my gut says a child wants to have a “normal” [I know, hard to define] name. Isn’t it unfair to grant the parents so much control over another life? What kind of name that would cross the line? Osama Bin Laden? Imawhore? At what point does the child start to matter?
Harris;
The only thing making name changes complicated in the first place is the state.. Think about how easy it is to change your nickname on the internet.
I too, would have chosen “Iron Maiden.”
Perhaps the official handling the application was a Megadeth fan.
Seriously though, if it was a different band, do you think they would be getting such trouble? (not that metallica is out there)
There’s only one logical solution. Names should simply be assigned by the state. But since names have all sorts of cultural connotations, everybody will simply get a number. No more of these individualistic names. Maybe we should be prescreening these parents, too. Only normal people should be procreating.
Before my second daughter was born I was seriously tempted to name her after my favorite pipe tobacco, Marlin Flake, but I thought she might object to the flake part.
The obvious solution is that when a child reaches a certain age, they should be able to choose their own name. If they’re okay with the name their parents gave them, then there’s no need to change it. If not, let them choose.
Keith:
We all are already named by the government. It is known as a Social Security Number. And the name is correct as it it Security forces (Police, FBI, DEA, NSA, CIA, etc) using the Number to track you for your Social behavior.
I think that if the bureaucrats who denied the name in all fairness should have the parents of the girl give the bureaucrats new names. I bet the bureaucrats would think twice about denying a name then. Sorry, I forgot, bureaucrats and politicians and their enforcers are rarely subject to the same laws as the general citizenry.
posted by Axel Riemer:
I’m still a fan of Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa
In his autobiography The Real Frank Zappa Book Zappa wrote that the hospital officials refused to accept Dweezil as his son’s name. While Gail Zappa was in labour, screaming and literally about to drop the baby out, some nitwit hospital administrator was standing there tapping on a clipboard about how the baby had to have an "acceptable" name for the birth certificate. Dweezil had a long string of names taken from various friends of the family for the first several years of his life, but was called Dweezil by everyone — eventually at his own request his parents had his name legally changed to Dweezil to make it official.
Of course, that was a private, not public, interference, but it only goes to show what powers the state in the first place: people’s insistence that they know better than you what you can and should do for yourself and your family.
Pellinore
If you can suspend the reality that their’s a band of the same name, then Metallica is actually quite a nice name for a girl.
Austria has the same rules an regulations as Brazil. You have to have your baby’s name approved by the government, if it’s not on their list of “correct” Austrian names.
I learned this from my high school foreign exchange student who married an American woman a few years ago. Because it was an American name they had to be given approval.
I agree with the earlier commenter, Metallica is a pretty good name.
Dennis Shoup writes: “Metallica’s ‘Disposable Heroes’ is a classic anti-war metal song. Come to think of it there are a lot of anti-war metal songs.”
“Disposable Heroes” is indeed a wonderful song. You might find my article on Metallica and American history revisionism interesting.
Disposable Heroes is really an anti-war song, as the “One” is too. Too bad they don’t understand it and ban Metallica from tv saying their song support war!
I feel sorry for Jon Bon Jovi, if the swedish govt finds out he has the same name as a band he would be in big trouble.
Comments on this entry are closed.